Caroline Bottomley, Founder & Managing Director, Shiny Network
This story is about getting it wrong and trying anyway
Do you know Nextdoor.co.uk? It’s a networking site, set up by postcode. Local people can find out about local shops, recommend tradespeople, and post about their lost cats.
Sometimes there’s a debate about a local issue and it gets a bit car crash - like the Daily Mail versus The Guardian. It’s a complete guilty pleasure and I generally can’t resist clicking through on new headlines.
The other day someone created a post called “Black Lady Walking Group”.
The someone was a White woman (Original Poster), who’s in a walking group. One of the women in her group is Black. OP noted she hadn’t seen many Black women on her walks and wanted to facilitate another walking group, for Black women only. She explained she’s happy with the size and make-up of her existing group, so was proposing a new group, rather than expanding her current group.
There was a bit of controversy in the comments (from a White woman, a bit upset about being excluded), but not half as much as I thought there would be. And it looks like six Black women have now set up a walking group as a result of that post.
I’ve chosen this story, because I would never have made that post. I mean it’s so cringey, right?
It’s so wrong, for a White woman to set up a walking group “for” Black women.
But I also know that when I’ve been out walking, I’ve noticed how White it seems as a pastime, and I’ve never done anything about it. So, could I do with changing my mindset?
I think a lot of White people are embarrassed about taking action and potentially getting it wrong. Isn’t shame one of human beings’ most powerful emotions? I do take positive action in my work (we have D&I quotas, we record and publish our progress, we have projects actively supporting underrepresented directors). It’s relatively easy to find the “right” thing to do at work. There’s been a lot of conversation and a lot of norms created. Not so much in our “private” lives.
I’m not sure why the walking group story particularly resonates with me. It’s something in the mix of recognising awkwardness, action, good intentions, the fear of being wrong.
I think feel the fear and do it anyway, but I’m learning that maybe a good way in is asking the question: how can I help you?
Caroline Bottomley
I think feel the fear and ask the question: how can I help you?
Yes, start there.
It is great of course to be invited to a table already prepared and waiting for us. I appreciate that it comes from a good place. But if you aren’t already doing this start there.
We have the answers on how you can really help us. We’ve been preparing for this moment for quite some time - the one where we all get along and create change together.
That’s it really.
Best wishes,
Sherry Collins
Jamaican, Igbo, Warrior Queen
